She is in my trunk
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
