I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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