i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
