You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
