pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
