He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
