just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
