how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
