it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
