the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
