he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
