can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
