Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
