hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
