eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The uberlube is also flammable
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
