i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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