I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
whose ass print is on the piano?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
