what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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