1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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