my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
