Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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