the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
