You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
