My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
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