did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
