Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
