Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
