I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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