Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
