i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
