Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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