he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
My Higher Power is John Stamos
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
