hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
