Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i now understand why vodka
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize