That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
