The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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