I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
