you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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