i barfeds in our rink
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
