he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
