why didn't you poke me back
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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