you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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