u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
