Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize