I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
