I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
