my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize