Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Randomize
