Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
