we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
