Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
