You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
