You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize