what day is it and did you see me today?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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