When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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