the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
