mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
where are you?
Hypothermia
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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