I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
