Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
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