I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
