No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize