Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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