I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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