how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
