guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
